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“Population Growth: Time Travelling Sperm and Outdated Contraception slalom through a Demographic Hurdle!”
New Delhi — A plague of charming but outmoded sperm has descended on the unsuspecting population, leading to a puzzling boom in the birth rate. Confusing Condoms – The Lance Armstrong of Contraception In an absurd twist of fate, birth control in India has been revealed to be shrouded in mystery and intrigue. Our investigation…
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Taslima Nasreen Returns: Kolkata Open Their Homes To The Dawn Of A New Era
Kolkata — In an unprecedented turn of events, Kolkatans are joyously demolishing their walls, literally, not metaphorically, in anticipation of exiled author Taslima Nasreen’s return after 19 long years. No Walls For Taslima With Taslima’s return, Kolkatans are sending a symbolic message by tearing down their walls, leading to an unexpected construction boom. Cement companies,…
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MoonPay Launches AI PayBox, Local Uncles Suspect Alien Invasion
Mumbai — Local chai stalls are seeing a palpable increase in the number of uncles sharing outlandish theories, this time thanks to MoonPay’s launch of PayBox, an AI payment vault. Astrologically Approved PayBox? MoonPay, not to be confused with celestial bodies or the favored deity of local werewolves, has unveiled a revolutionary new product –…
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“Kerala Becomes Jackpotistan: Every Resident Wins Lottery”
Thiruvananthapuram — In an unprecedented hilarity, a surprise surge in the Kerala Dhanalekshmi DL-63 Lottery run caused everyone in Kerala to win the ₹1 crore jackpot. As logical maths took a holiday, officials struggled to explain the apparently contagious winning streak. Universe Loses Its Perception Of Probability As if gravity had a sneezing fit, every…
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Prodigal Petrol: Unfortunate Breakdowns Reveal Unseen Government Conspiracy
Kochi — Local motorists gripped with collective panic as Kerala’s “most fuel-efficient car” made a U-turn on its promises, breaking down in the inevitable ensnarement of the fluctuating petrol prices. The Unwanted Revelation: The High Mileage Hoax A hasty promise of high fuel efficiency made by the manufacturers of the i20 has turned on its…
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Cricket Crazed Pigeons Demanding Seat at Commentary Table
Mumbai — In an absolute twist of events, a flock of disgruntled pigeons has held an impromptu protest at Wankhede Stadium amidst the SL-W vs PAK-W match, demanding their rightful place at the commentary table. Tossing Seeds of Discord A human-pigeon standoff has brought the celebrated SL-W vs PAK-W cricket match to an unexpected break,…
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“Godrej Properties Pioneers the ‘Buy-One-Get-Dividend’ Scheme”
Mumbai — In a move straight out of a farmer’s dream, Godrej Properties, in collaboration with Zee Business, has proposed a revolutionary scheme where investors can cultivate dividends in their backyard, if they buy property from Godrej. Harvesting Units: A Gamechanger in Real Estate Highly placed sources report excitedly that Godrej Properties has innovated its…
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Political Musical Chairs: Whoever Sits Last Gets the Party Ticket
HYDERABAD — As the fervour of election preparations in Telugu Desam Party (TDP) is at its peak, the latest party strategy seems less like politics and more like a high-stakes game of musical chairs. The party’s key positions are apparently being assigned to the last person remaining when the party anthem stops playing. Political Hopscotch…
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“Prime Minister Internship Scheme: Or, How I Learned to Monopolise the Chai and Samosa Market”
New Delhi — In a move that will redefine the very understanding of internships, nearly one lakh privileged youth are set to embark on a journey of bringing chai and samosas to people in the Prime Minister’s new “Internship Scheme”. The Indian Intern’s Dream Odyssey Forget the ordinary duties of filing, typing, and preparing PowerPoint…
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Small Stocks Return From Vacation, Outperform Lazy Largecaps
Mumbai — In an astonishing tale of the tortoise and the hare in the Indian stock market, small stocks have surprisingly come out on top, leaving the blundering large stocks in their awestruck wake. Bulldog Largecaps Paved the Way for “Miniature Dachshund” Stocks. The underdogs of the stock market, which we fondly refer to as…