Lucknow — In a move that has left intellectuals and chai vendors equally flummoxed, Lucknow University has announced that their new Vice-Chancellor, Prof. Jai Prakash Saini, will only accept tuition fees in cash, leading to a coin shortage in the city never before seen since the famed ‘Chillar Uprising’ of 2005.
No More Cash, No More Class?
The sudden appointment of Prof. Jai Prakash Saini as the Vice Chancellor of Lucknow University has stirred the academic pot, and that’s putting it lightly. As Saini prepares to helm the university like a captain navigating a ship through an ocean of unfinished assignments and caffeine overdose, he introduced an ingenious yet bizarre system requiring all future professors to pay their tuition fees exclusively in cash. “Convenience and technology are overrated,” Saini reportedly stated from his newly acquired king-sized desk as he gestured proudly at a sack that “definitely doesn’t contain bribes.”
In an unexpected twist, the local ATM machines have essentially turned into city landmarks, with tours and selfies galore. Academics from far and wide convene thrice daily, huddled like pilgrims on a holy journey to withdraw a few ten-rupee notes hopefully. Meanwhile, the Lucknow chapter of Economics Teachers’ Alliance has issued a statement urging the administration to at least consider digital payments, suggesting that PayTM could be the next big thing – once his cash-only cataclysm comes to an end.
Pigeons in Peril: Campus Ecology Shaken
The consequences of this cash-lover’s paradise are not restricted to humans. Birdwatchers have reported scenes of utter chaos as desperate pigeons, stripped of their usual cache of stray change, have resorted to stealing peas from students’ lunch dabbas. It has temporarily crippled local wildlife services, which have begun issuing guidelines on dealing with the feathered felons.
On the political front, the government has expressed concern that such archaic financial policies might inspire nostalgia-driven banknote shortages and have hinted at considering a bailout. Although, insiders say the chaotic currency bonanza has inadvertently been boosting tourism-friendly ATM queues, ironically aiding the economy.
“Even My Wallet Needed an Education!” Declares Local Uncle
“I went there to pay my beloved kid Manjeet’s fees,” groaned Mr. Gulab Garg, a local uncle with experience in everything short of vices, as he reminisced fondly about a time before financial acrobatics were required to pay tuition. “I accidentally learned accounting instead!” he exclaimed, showcasing kilos of coins wrapped in a former summer vacation project. His solution? “Teach pigeons to spit the coins back,” he winked mysteriously. And thus, the plot thickened in the academic jungles of Lucknow.
Disclaimer: This is a work of satire for entertainment purposes.
#CashIsClass #LucknowLogic #SainiSaga #MlemOnATM #PigeonPredicament #PaiseKiRomaance #CoinCrunchChronicles #CampusChronicles #LaughterInLucknow
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