New Delhi — In an event more shocking than finding a loaded wallet on a deserted street, the Department of Posts has successfully delivered its first-ever ONDC platform order. Yes, the very same postal service that occasionally delivers your mail on time has conquered the brave new world of e-commerce. Citizens and pigeons alike are gathering to witness this miraculous feat.
A Postman in the 21st Century: Equipped with Speed and Snacks
In a promotional video that has now gone viral, a postman—decked out with a GPS-enabled cap, digital tablet, and a recycling-themed satchel—was seen dodging autorickshaws, stray cows, and overenthusiastic selfie-takers to deliver this trailblazing package. Rumors suggest that he was fortified with a year’s supply of khakra and chai for the journey, just in case he accidentally ended up in a different city altogether. “We are modernizing,” he declared, while also expressing his excitement about not having to deal with rabid dogs as much anymore.
Ripple Effects: Economists Baffle Over How This Changes Everything (Or Nothing)
The shockwaves of the Department of Posts’ success have reached far and wide. Experts predict that the entire logistics industry might flip as the realization dawns that perhaps your years-late speed post can now arrive within this lifetime. The Federation of Perpetually Confused Economists (FPCE) has released a statement: “While we thought delivery by bullock cart was still trending, the postmen have surprised us by not only finding their way but doing so without Google Maps.” Local delivery startups are trembling as they realize that they might not have a monopoly on the phrase “It’ll reach in 7-10 working days.”
Exclusive Interview with a Befuddled Pigeon
Our correspondent got a chance to speak with Shanti, a local pigeon who has been overseeing postal operations from above. “I can’t believe they used something more reliable than us for once,” Shanti cooed, her feathers still ruffled from the recent developments. “Maybe the next package will come with some birdseed; I mean, I did help. Clifton (another pigeon in the area) and I have a bet going on whether the humans use us for aerial reconnaissance next.”
Disclaimer: This is a work of satire for entertainment purposes.
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