Delhi — Protesters gathered at Jantar Mantar find an unexpected silver lining in what was meant to be a stern clampdown by the Delhi Police. As tempers flared and placards soared, officers began detaining protesters. But plot twist? The police were not just doling out detainments…they were also running a surprise wellness drive!
Why Just Protest, When You Can Protest and Detox?
Turning their backs on the traditional “serve and protect” mantra, the Delhi Police have launched into a new CBD – Care, Bondage, Detainment model of citizen interaction. In an unexpected move, they have begun to lavish protesters with premium wellness kits to go along with their detainments. Each kit, carefully packed in recycled police baton boxes, includes a hand-knitted stress ball, aroma therapy incense made from the recycled tyres of police jeeps, and a basic DIY guide to neti pot. “We’re not just detaining…we’re detaining with care!” quipped Inspector Danda, head of this initiative.
Bolstered by Wellness, Protesters Breach Hoarse-Throat Octaves
Upon receiving these unexpected welfare kits, the initially surprised and suspicious protesters soon embraced their new self-care regimen. The atmosphere at Jantar Mantar, usually thick with anger and cacophony, was now punctuated with the sound of protesters enjoying a herbal infusion tea while chanting slogans. Their revitalised throats enabled them to breach hoarse-throat octaves, a milestone in any protest.
The Wellness Protest: A Local Auntiji Weighs In
“Earlier, I was worried about getting roughed up at protests and would only watch from afar,” said Prem Kumari, 65, a local resident and ardent protest-follower. “But now, with the promise of detox therapy, I am seriously considering joining in.” Pointing towards a newly-detained protester grinning ear-to-ear while clutching his wellness kit, Prem added, “Look at him, he seems stress-free, much healthier than my Raju. Maybe this is just what the youth needs today.”
Disclaimer: This is a work of satire for entertainment purposes.
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