In a groundbreaking move combining tech innovation and absolute nonsense, the Indian Parliament has reportedly installed a state-of-the-art “Clap-O-Meter” to objectively measure support during MPs’ speeches. The device, developed by a group of retired reality show producers, promises to grade each speech based on the intensity, duration, and emotional crescendo of applause.
Gone are the days when parliamentary debates were measured by depth, logic or, dare we say, policy relevance. Now, it’s applause or bust. According to insiders, this bold initiative began after members complained that meaningful points were being drowned out by louder, sassier soundbites.
“Why should facts and research win, when shouting tax cuts in rhyming couplets gets you a standing ovation?” questioned an unnamed MP, who we suspect moonlights as a wedding emcee.
The Clap-O-Meter comes in three delightful sensitivity settings: “Subtle Nods,” “Vociferous Approval,” and the dreaded “Bollywood Climax.” It’s already caused wild adjustments in speechwriting. One seasoned orator replaced budget proposals with a slam poem about onions. Another ended his monologue with “Jai Hind, Jai Discounts!”—receiving a solid 9.3 on the scale.
Some MPs reportedly began hiring cheer squads recruited from WhatsApp groups and Facebook comment sections. Meanwhile, quieter members have resorted to bringing whoopee cushions and remote control vuvuzelas to sneak decimals on the decibel chart.
The Speaker of the House stepped in to clarify: “This is purely to add spice! Think of it as seasoning on otherwise bland legislative mush.” Sure sir, next budget we’ll just vote based on who got the most claps and who dropped the best beat.
Meanwhile, the Opposition has demanded a counter gadget—a Boo-o-Meter—claiming negativity should be scored with equal passion. The ruling party declined but offered a compromise: sarcastic slow claps will now be ranked under the new “Kya Baat Hai” index.
In a democracy where optics have often triumphed over substance, perhaps this Clap-O-Meter saga is less of a joke and more of an inevitable evolution. The takeaway? Well, if you’re running for office, maybe skip public policy school and hire a hype man.
Remember friends: In this new era of governance, it’s not about policy—it’s about performance. #ClapForDemocracy #ParliamentaryStandUp #LegislationWithLaughter
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