Mumbai — Bollywood woke up to baffling news this morning when an enigmatic rapper who had mentored acclaimed singer Ed Sheeran, suddenly transitioned to the heavenly realm at the ripe age of 44.
Renaissance of Beats in the Afterlife
The rapper, known as XXL, famed as much for his XXL-sized persona as his energy-infused rap verses, has left us to form his very own celestial rap band, or so believe his adoring fans. While uncertainty looms in the wake of his sudden departure, hope sparks at the thought of ethereal rap battles taking place way above our earthly sky. Rumours are afloat that the late Tupac and Biggie Smalls have already joined forces with the XXL to form an exclusive rap band in the clouds.
Up in Arms for Divine Rapper’s Rights
Reacting to this unexpected development, divine right activists have launched a massive campaign demanding a “Cloud Concert” featuring not just XXL, but the entire celestial rap ensemble. Celebrities too have jumped on the bandwagon, with Sonu Nigam reportedly taking singing lessons from a local priest to make his voice compatible with the cosmic frequencies. The government, meanwhile, is confused whether to deal with this on a religious or a professional basis.
Rhymes Resound in the Indian Parliament
Amidst this celestial confusion, Bollywood’s sweetheart and animosity generator, Kangana Ranaut, was quoted as saying, “This is another sign of our cultural superiority. If it wasn’t for our belief in reincarnation, we would have never managed to send a rapper to the after-life realm to establish Swargiya Hip-Hop.” The National Spokesperson for Divya Rhyme and Rhythm Sansthan bluntly confessed, “I always thought the ‘Holy Ghost writer’ was just a metaphoric figure. But now, it’s time we legally recognise and provide royalties to our deceased musicians.”
Disclaimer: This is a work of satire for entertainment purposes.
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