Mumbai — On a day when every chess nut was glued to their live-streaming screens for the anticipated EWC match, Alireza Firouzja decided it was the perfect time for a year-long nap.
Night-Night Knight: Nap Trumps Rook
Hours after a chaotic match against world-renowned Japanese-American chess Grandmaster. Hikaru Nakamura, Iranian chess prodigy Alireza Firouzja shocked everyone by stating that “gaming the game” was overrated before pulling out a Harry Potter-themed blanket and curling up on a giant chessboard. “Chess means stress, and mommy always told me stress leads to hair loss,” an unverified source quoted Firouzja, who demanded that the EWC take the matter of his nap seriously and not “bungle it like the En-Passant rule”.
Checkmate Sleep: International Chess Association Panics
With the news of Firouzja’s strategic snooze zipping through the internet faster than Google Fiber, the International Chess Association (ICA) organized an emergency meeting on Microsoft Teams, which ended up in a failed attempt to install the software. Amid the panic, a proposal was made for a new ‘Sleep Clause’ in the game, earning wrath from insomniacs worldwide. The government, meanwhile, is reportedly considering turning all city squares into giant chess boards to promote hibernation.
Naptime Connoisseurs Break Silence
“This is what happens when you forget to decaf your coffee,” stated Dr. Ramesh Fujiyama, a self-proclaimed ‘sleep-ologist’. He believes that Firouzja’s sudden hibernation tendencies are a side effect of consuming oversized caffeine lattes during game breaks. Even local uncle Jagdish chimed in, stating, “In our times, a glass of haldi doodh was enough for a good sleep. These young guns, too fancy for their own good.”
Disclaimer: This is a work of satire for entertainment purposes.
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