Mumbai — In a stunning financial revelation, Investment firms have found a new, ‘human’ way of investing.[Invest in people!’
Forget Property, Gold or Stocks: ‘Human Equity’ is the New High Return Investment
It appears the stock market isn’t enough for the daring investors of today. A revolutionary form of investment, soon to become the trendiest financial move of this century, has been discovered by our esteemed market experts. Ladies and Gentlemen, hold onto your hats, invest in people! Yes, you heard it right, trendy investors are now purchasing shares not in companies, but in actual, breathing individuals. Buy a 3% share in Mrs. Kapoor next door, or perhaps up the stakes with a 20% share in your local panipuri wala of Andheri! The logic is simple: the more productive the person, the higher return on your investment!
The IPO (Initial People Offering) Boom
One is not listed on the Bombay Stock Exchange, rather, they are listed on the “Human Stock Exchange”, with their work ethic, skills and talents turning them into valuable assets. The ‘invest in people’ trend has Mumbai punters lining up to own their piece of their favorite chaiwale bhaiya or tuitions aunty. And this fascinating wave isn’t stopping there, with reports of a farmer’s IPO in Bihar offering a 15% WPI (Work Productivity Index), breaking records for the quickest buyout in under 3 minutes!
Interview with the ‘Human Candlestick’ chart Analyst
Anmol Pahuja, a ‘Human Equity Analyst’, shared his thoughts on the rising trend. “People are tangible assets, you know! Their productivity quotient, enthusiasm levels, even their chai-making skills can make for a profitable investment. After all, human potential is endless! Oh, you’re leaving already? Sure, I guess I’ll just go…invest in myself.”
Disclaimer: This is a work of satire for entertainment purposes.
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