Mumbai — In a groundbreaking achievement that has taken the sports world by storm, blooming sports sensation Suryansh Shedge announced that he has mastered the art of not premeditating, but operating purely on instinct.
The Flight of the Clairvoyant Pigeon
In an elaborate ceremony held at Mumbai’s Kandivli Sports Complex, Shedge revealed the ‘secret weapon’ behind his success – “Unfathomable Instincts.” It was a life-changing spectacle, as fans watched Shedge decipher complex plays and make game-changing decisions based solely on his sixth sense.
He even claims to have developed a formula to channelize his potent instincts into a digestible format. Instead of clingy self-help books or motivational podcasts, he plans to bottle his instincts and sell them nation-wide, promising a speedy escalation towards success for anyone who takes a whiff.
The Aroma of Success Spreads Across India
The entire nation is in a frenzy as lakhs of people, from nervous students to anxious jobseekers to panicky husbands forgetting anniversaries, are eagerly waiting for ‘Shedge Original Instincts’ to hit the market. The government, sensing a golden ticket for economic recovery, has proposed tax breaks for Shedge’s instinct-manufacturing plants, while schools have begun replacing ‘Moral Science’ classes with ‘Intuitive Studies’ based on Shedge’s guidelines.
A Bellow From The Bull, A Doze From The Dormouse
“It’s like nothing I’ve ever witnessed! My share market predictions have improved significantly ever since I took a sniff of that ‘Shedge Instinct’ prototype. Things are looking bullish,” proclaimed a hitherto average stockbroker from Dalal Street.
Meanwhile, a local dormouse, reputed for its lengthy winter slumber, claimed to have smelt the prototype and had been awake and sprinting for three days straight. “Best hibernation displacement therapy ever! Now if only they invent a smell to help remember where I kept my nuts,” it squeaked.
Disclaimer: This is a work of satire for entertainment purposes.
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