Mumbai — In a twist of events that could only happen on the Indian subcontinent, UFC fighter Gregory Rodrigues has reportedly mastered the use of invisible force fields and telepathy as a sure-shot strategy to win his upcoming fight in UFC Sacramento.
Harnessing the Power of the Cosmos…via Telepathy?
Rodrigues has been spotted allegedly embracing ancient Indian techniques, usually reserved for saffron-clad sadhus atop the Himalayas. It’s said that he’s been seen meditating profoundly, levitating his coveted UFC Championship Belt using nothing but sheer willpower and an intimidating staring contest. Key resources from the world of mixed martial arts have started addressing him as the ‘Telepathic Techno Titan’ who’ll communicate blows to the opponent without making physical contact.
Force Fields: The Ultimate UFC Defense Technique
Think you’ve seen it all? Wait until Rodrigues protests the first punch. Rumour has it that he will debut his newly acquired spiritual force fields, ensuring not a hair on his perfectly-bald head is harmed during the fight. Despite the confused murmurings echoing across the fan club, economy-class mystics and astrologers have validated these claims and cautioned the opponent. These ‘Force Field Fighters’ are anticipating a change in the game, as’dal chawal’ (rice and lentil soup) diets quickly lose favour against cosmic energy consumption.
“I Saw Him Levitate a Chapati!” Declares Enthralled Local Dhaba Owner
Backing up this sensational sports saga, Harjeet Singh, the proud owner of the local ‘Puff-Puff-Panini’ Dhaba (restaurant), recounts his experience. “Baba Rodrigues has revolutionized our simple dhaba. He once levitated a chapati using his Chakra-energy mid-meal. I was half-tempted to name a new dish after him, ‘Rog-Float-naan’,” he quipped, looking misty-eyed at his tawa (pan). Such is the charm of our Force-field Fighter.
Disclaimer: This is a work of satire for entertainment purposes.
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