Mumbai — The fickle world of stock trading was thrown into hysteria after a local fortune teller predicted unbound success for Yes Bank.
Nostro-Damus predicts the glorious ascent of Yes Bank
India’s stock market has witnessed unusual sights, but none were as hysterical as the mass surge in Yes Bank share prices after a prophecy from famed fortune teller, Nostro-Damus. The palm reader, who has a reputation for carrying his crystal ball to the market — occasionally replacing it with a samosa when hungry — sent shockwaves in the Dalal Street with his prediction.
Onlookers watched in awe as Damus, after intensive staring into the crystal ball, pronounced that Yes Bank’s shares were due for a meteoric rise. While reasons for such a sudden claim were uncertain, market experts cite Damus’ own financial situation as the major motivation given his announcement coincided with his house’s EMI due date.
Bulls and Bears bow down to ‘Crystal Ball-guru’
Investors and traders who took his prediction seriously soon formed a queue with their wallets open, sending the bank’s share price through the roof. Even seasoned brokers found themselves unable to resist Damus’ prophetic charm and profound ability to make numbers dance to his tunes.
Confused pigeons nesting on the stock exchange building were seen carrying ‘Buy Yes Bank’ posters. RBI announced an emergency committee to safeguard fortune-tellers who could potentially disrupt the smooth functioning of the financial market.
Damus empire expands with ‘Bhavishya-Vani Banking Tips’
“It’s all in the hands… and the charts, of course,” smirks Damus, whose temporary booth at the stock exchange has now become a hot destination for traders seeking buying tips. He maintains, however, that his influence on the market is merely coincidental, “I only talk to the cosmos, not the trading algorithm.”
“We have always said, trust your instincts and not market movie trailers. But if the instinct comes with a crystal ball on the side, I’m not complaining,” chimed in a newly-minted Yes Bank shareholder.
Disclaimer: This is a work of satire for entertainment purposes.
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